Episode 2

What devil is this, that since thou hast been with me they give me naught but half-blancas, whereas before they were wont to pay me a blanca or a maravedi many a time? This ill luck must surely come from thee.”

He also shortened his prayers and would not finish half the orison, for he had commanded me that as soon as the person who had ordered the prayer departed, I should pull the hem of his hood. I did so accordingly; and straightway he would raise his voice again, crying: “Does anyone wish this or that prayer to be said?”, as they are accustomed to say.

He was wont to place a small jug of wine beside him when we ate, and I would very quickly snatch it, give it a couple of silent kisses, and return it to its place. But that lasted me but a short while, for by the draughts he recognized the lack; and to keep his wine safe he never afterward let go of the jug, but held it firmly by the handle. Yet no lodestone ever drew iron so strongly as I drew wine with a long straw of rye, which I had fashioned for that purpose; thrusting it into the mouth of the jug, I sucked up the wine and bade it good night. But the traitor being so crafty, I think he perceived me, and thenceforward changed his purpose: he would set the jug between his legs, covering it with his hand, and so drank in safety. I, being accustomed to wine, was dying for it, and seeing that the straw availed me nothing, I resolved to make a tiny hole and delicate fountain in the bottom of the jug, and skillfully plug it with a very thin wafer of wax. At dinnertime, feigning to be cold, I would crawl between the wretched blind man’s legs to warm myself at the miserable fire we had; and the wax being very slight, it quickly melted in the heat, and the little fountain began to trickle into my mouth, which I placed in such a manner that not a cursed drop was lost. When the poor wretch went to drink, he found nothing: he was astounded, cursed roundly, and gave the jug and the wine to the devil, unable to fathom what it could be.

“Thou wilt not say, uncle,” said I, “that I drink it, since thou dost not let it out of thy hand.”

He turned and felt the jug so often that he found the hole and discovered the trick; but he dissembled as though he had not perceived it. The next day, when I was letting my jug leak as usual, never dreaming of the mischief prepared for me nor that the wicked blind man was aware of me, I sat down as I was wont, receiving those sweet draughts with my face upturned to heaven and my eyes half-closed the better to enjoy the savory liquor. The desperate blind man, perceiving that his time for vengeance had arrived, with all his might raised that sweet and bitter jug with both hands and let it crash down upon my mouth, putting all his strength into the blow, as I have said: so that poor Lázaro, who was suspecting nothing of the kind, but was rather careless and joyful as at other times, truly felt as though heaven and all that was in it had fallen upon him. Such was the blow that it knocked me senseless and bereft of my wits; and the jar was so great that the potsherds cut my face in many places and broke my teeth, without which I have remained to this very day.

From that hour I bore ill will to the wicked blind man; and though he fondled me, pampered me, and dressed my wounds, I saw clearly that he had rejoiced in that cruel chastisement. He washed with wine the cuts which the pieces of the jar had made upon my face, and smiling he said: “What thinkest thou, Lázaro? What made thee sick now healeth thee and giveth thee health,” with other pleasantries which to my

liking were none at all.

When I was half-cured of my black bruises and swellings, considering that with a few more such blows the cruel blind man would make an end of me, I resolved to make an end of him; but I did it not so quickly, so as to do it with greater safety and profit to myself. And though I would fain have softened my heart and forgiven him the blow of the jug, the ill treatment which the wicked blind man gave me thenceforward gave no room for pardon: for without cause or reason he beat me, striking my head and pulling my hair. And if anyone asked him why he treated me so ill, he straightway told the tale of the wine jug, saying:

“Would you think this lad of mine an innocent? Hear then whether the devil himself ever contrived such an exploit!”

Whereat those who heard it crossed themselves, saying: “Look now, who would have thought so small a boy capable of such knavery!” and laughed heartily at the contrivance, telling him: “Chastise him, chastise him, for God will reward thee for it!”

And he never did anything else. Wherefore I always led him along the worst roads, and that on purpose, to do him harm and hurt: if there were stones, over them; if mud, through the deepest; for though I walked not in the driest path, I was glad to put out one of my own eyes to put out two for him who had none. Wherefore he was always poking the back of my head with the upper end of his staff, which was ever full of lumps and bare of hair from his blows; and though I swore that I did it not with malice, but because I could find no better way, it availed me nothing and he believed me no more: such were the sharp senses and great understanding of the traitor.

And that Your Honor may see how far the wit of this crafty blind man extended, I will relate one case of many that befell me with him, wherein methinks he clearly showed his great cunning. When we left Salamanca, his intention was to come to the land of Toledo, for he said the people there were richer, though not very given to almsgiving. He leaned upon this proverb: “The hard man gives more than the naked.” And we journeyed thither through the best places: where he found good welcome and profit, we lingered; where not, on the third day we took our departure.

It happened that, arriving at a place called Almorox at the time of the grape harvest, a vintager gave him a cluster of grapes in charity; and as the baskets are wont to be roughly handled, and also because the grapes at that season were very ripe, the cluster fell to pieces in his hand; if put into the knapsack it would turn to must, and whatever touched it likewise. He resolved to make a feast of it, both because he could not carry it and to satisfy me, for that day he had given me many kicks and blows. We sat down upon a ditch bank and he said:

“Now I wish to show thee a piece of liberality, and that is that we both eat this bunch of grapes, and that thou shalt have as great a part thereof as I. We shall divide it in this wise:

thou shalt pick one and I another; provided thou promisest me to take no more than one grape at a time, I will do the same until we finish them, and in this manner there shall be no deceit.”

The agreement being made, we began; but straightway at the second turn the traitor changed his purpose and began to take them two by two, reckoning that I ought to do the same. When I saw that he broke the compact, I was not content to keep pace with him, but went further: two by two and three by three, and as fast as I could I ate them. The cluster being finished, he sat for a while with the stem in his hand, and shaking his head, said:

“Lázaro, thou hast deceived me: I would swear to God that thou hast eaten the grapes three by three!”

“I did not,” said I; “but why dost thou suspect that?”

The sagacious blind man answered:

“Knowest thou how I know that thou didst eat them three by three? Because I ate them two by two, and thou heldest thy peace.” {To which I made no answer. Journeying on under certain arcades in Escalona, where we were at that time lodging in the house of a shoemaker, there were many ropes and other things made of esparto grass hanging there, and some of them struck my master upon the head; whereat, raising his hand, he touched them, and seeing what they were, said unto me:

“Hasten thy steps, boy; let us get out from among such ill meat, which chokes without eating it!”

I, who had taken no heed of the matter, looked to see what it was, and seeing naught but ropes and girths, which were no food to eat, said unto him:

“Uncle, why dost thou say that?”

He answered me:

“Hold thy peace, nephew; by the tricks thou usest, thou shalt know in time and see whether I speak truth.”

And so we passed forward through the same arcade and came to an inn, at the door whereof there were many horns fixed upon the wall, where the muleteers tied their beasts. And as he was feeling whether that was the inn where he was wont to say the prayer of the walled-in nun daily for the hostess, he took hold of a horn, and with a great sigh said:

“O evil thing, worse even than thy shape! By how many art thou desired to be set upon another’s head, and by how few to have thee or even hear thy name mentioned in any wise!”

Hearing what he said, I asked:

“Uncle, what is that thou sayest?”

“Hold thy peace, nephew; for some day this thing which I hold in my hand will give thee an evil dinner and supper.”

“I shall not eat it,” said I, “and it will give me none.”

“I tell thee the truth; if not, thou shalt see it if thou livest.”

And so we went forward to the door of the inn, where God grant we had never arrived, considering what befell me therein.

The most of what he prayed was for innkeepers’ wives, tavern keepers’ wives, sweetmeat sellers, and harlots, and for such-like wenches; but for a man I scarcely ever saw him say a prayer.}

I laughed unto myself, and though but a lad, noted well the discreet judgment of the blind man.

Yet not to be tedious, I omit to relate many things, both laughable and noteworthy, that befell me with this my first master; and I would fain relate our parting and make an end with him.

We were in Escalona, a town belonging to the duke thereof, at an inn, and he gave me a piece of sausage to roast. When the sausage had basted the bread and the bread was eaten, he took a maravedi from his purse and bade me go for wine to the tavern. The devil put the occasion before mine eyes, which, as they say, makes the thief: for there lay by the fire a small, longish, withered turnip, such as, being unfit for the stewpot, had been cast aside there. And since at that moment there was no one present save he and I alone, seeing myself with a sweet tooth, the savory smell of the sausage having entered into me—which smell alone I knew was all I should enjoy—not considering what might happen unto me, casting all fear aside to satisfy my longing, while the blind man was taking the coin from his purse, I snatched the sausage and quickly thrust the turnip upon the spit. My master, giving me the money for the wine, took the spit and began to turn it before the fire, seeking to roast what through its own demerits had escaped boiling.

I ran for the wine, wherewith I made short work of the sausage; and when I returned I found the sinful blind man with the turnip squeezed between two slices of bread, having not yet perceived it because he had not touched it with his hand. When he took the slices and bit into them, thinking to take a piece of the sausage as well, he found himself cold with the cold turnip. He started up and cried:

“What is this, Lazarillo?”

“Woe is me!” said I. “Wouldst thou lay blame upon me? Have I not just come back with the wine? Someone was here and did this to mock thee.”

“No, no,” said he; “for I have never let the spit out of my hand: it cannot be!”

I began to swear and foreswear that I was guiltless of that exchange; but it availed me little, for nothing was hidden from the cunning of the cursed blind man. He rose up, seized me by the head, and came close to smell me; and as he must have caught the scent, like a good hound, the better to satisfy himself of the truth, in his great fury he seized me with his hands, opened my mouth wider than it ought to go, and recklessly thrust in his nose—which was long and sharp, and at that moment had grown a span longer through anger—reaching with the tip thereof down to my gullet. What with this, and the great terror that was upon me, and the shortness of time, the black sausage had not yet settled in my stomach; and chief of all, with the thrusting of that enormous snout half choking me, all these things joined together and caused the deed and the dainty to manifest themselves and what was his to be restored to its owner: so that before the wicked blind man could withdraw his trunk from my mouth, my stomach suffered such a convulsion that it discharged the stolen goods full upon it, so that his nose and the black, ill-chewed sausage came forth from my mouth at one and the same time.